Ask Me His Name: Learning to live and laugh again after the loss of my baby

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It’s a story I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy, but Elle, Nico, their families and friends have handled it with such grace, honesty and sensitivity that we, as an audience, should consider ourselves lucky to have had our eyes opened by them. I hope to God that I never have to use what if learnt in this book either for myself or someone close to me. You'll learn valuable lessons to help your friends and/or family members who are dealing with something as harsh as a child loss. I don’t think the sections on describing acupuncture, yoga and reflexology were needed as they interrupted the flow of the book.

We can’t shy away from these discussions, by facing them we can help the bereaved moved forward but not away from their loved ones. Talking about loss is a difficult subject and one that many people to this day do not like to speak of or know how to talk to someone who is grieving. We were delighted to have the opportunity recently to interview the wonderful Elle Wright: Creator of Feathering The Empty Nest, and it’s accompanying Instagram account, who has now written a gorgeous book: Ask Me His Name. And when I turn and say ‘Actually 15 babies die every day in the UK’ they assume that includes miscarriage, and I’m like 'No that’s not to do with miscarriage, that’s just a baby that’s born after 33 weeks pregnancy, in the UK, that’s stillborn or died in the first two weeks of life.

There’s far too much ‘I’m not going to say anything, because I don’t want to make that person feel sad, or that person feel awkward. I liked the end chapters from the perspective of the sad and extended family and perhaps these could have been more detailed. At the moment, 15 babies a day in the UK die: Stillbirths or neonatally, every day, and that is a terrifying statistic.

Elle Wright had an admittedly easy pregnancy, and in May 2016 she and her husband welcomed their son, Teddy, into the world.I literally went from room to room just doing that, and taking photos of it and putting it on Instagram, not with the intention of starting a blog at all, just because I needed it for my own sanity.

This is a very hard read but also a very gripping read, I was immersed into Wright's life and simply could not put this down, getting to know Teddy and his family is an experience I will never forget. The happiest day of Elle's life had turned into every parent's worst nightmare, and she had to let her beautiful baby boy go. Elle Wright had an admittedly easy pregnancy - her scans went well, she and her baby were healthy throughout, and in May 2016, she and her husband welcomed their son, Teddy, into the world.So giving women that confidence and pointing them in the right direction to talk to somebody who knows how they’re feeling, is incredibly important. I was particularly pleased that she included accounts from her husband, friends, family and practitioners. I wasn't sure why as I had never suffered a loss of a child but the way Elle Wright talked about her son Teddy with so much love I wanted to get to know him too. I therefore don’t think you have to have necessarily experienced baby loss to find this book helpful and insightful.

I’ve followed Elle’s story long before even thinking about starting this account and I often think about this story whilst at work with other parents and babies within the NICU. Then friends and family were writing to me, saying ‘My sister’s baby just died, what do I say to her’, ‘How do I mark the baby’s first birthday’, and all of these things. But if somebody loses a child we don’t actually have a word for that; probably because it’s never really been spoken about.

We were all just shouting at the top of our voices into an echo chamber of women who already know how it feels. That’s why I started the blog, because it’s not just about Teddy, it’s about all the other stuff in my life: I like interiors as well… We must admit that we first discovered Elle’s work because of her gorgeous floor tiles in a picture on Instagram. I will never say the auto response of “I’m sorry for your loss” when I hear of a parent who has lost a child. Before I met Elle and Michelle I wrongly assumed that when someone told me they’d lost a baby it meant they didn’t want to talk about it. So I just say it to people, and sometimes I get them looking anywhere else but at me, and sometimes people are brilliant.